the weight your words hold

Oh my goodness, Rae you really look like you don’t eat nothing.
I wish I was like you, I’d eat loads and probably still look stunning…
I am not skinny
I prefer the word slim or petite
you’re acting like I don’t even eat..
I do.
You’re tickling my insecurities, watching them rise to the surface of my skin…
yet you feel uncomfortable looking and you’re the one who let them in?
My mouth is a care home, at the back of my throat the weight of your words lay there… waiting to be dragged back up, rocked back to sleep and emptied onto my bathroom floor..
at one stage, it was ok to be size 8,
slim waist, small hips & have a great fashion taste.


Yet.. the rumors that I’m anorexic circled,  just because I didn’t finish what was on my plate?
or, today I decided I wasn’t going to eat at lunch, so I suddenly don’t appreciate my weight.

I once got told my body looked like skeleton and that as a skinny girl, I’m not allowed to be offended when I get cussed or abused,
because as a skinny girl, I don’t face any problems –  so they ask themselves, why does she look so confused?
Does my weight define the smile on my face?
Does it define how I treat you?
My heart beats the same, my blood flows through my body the same as you.

“Rae, I could really crush you, you’re just so delicate.” or “Wow, I’m scared to even sit on your lap your bones might crush.” I heard this a lot during school, I laughed it off most times and cried other times… but I have learned to accept me and learnt to love me. When we look at our hands, none of our fingers are equal lengths or identical, are they? that applies to us too, we all have our differences we have to live with. To be different is not a problem, but rather a blessing. My weight does not define me and it never will. 




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